California Squirrel Attack Sparks Jokes in Montana

A California squirrel made headlines across the nation after going full UFC on some residents, attacking and wounding multiple folks, and sending two of its victims to the hospital. Wildlife officials ultimately had to track it down and kill it to stop the rampages. Like it was a problem bear in a Montana campground.

California Problems

Californians are calling this the “attack squirrel,” as though it were some sort of horror movie villain. Where I come from, we call that Tuesday. If you’ve ever startled a badger or gotten in between a mama moose and calf, you know better. And if you’ve ever seen an angry prairie dog colony, you can agree that they would totally overthrow the government if only they had thumbs.

Don’t Feed the Fluff

Here’s the thing: people keep feeding wild animals like they’re pets. Is your neighbor feeding deer in the yard? Feeding bread to the ducks at the pond? Squirrel at the picnic table? Pass the chips. And then they’re surprised when nature becomes a barroom brawl. Bambi will eventually get tired of your bird feeder buffet and dropkick you in the driveway.

"Squirrel Revival"

You remember Ray Stevens’ classic “The Mississippi Squirrel Revival,” right? The song about a squirrel goes berserk in a church? That song used to terrify me when I was a child. I would ask myself, "How can a cute little squirrel attack those godfearing people?" Point being, squirrels have been fluffy little messengers of anarchy long before Californians decided they were scary.

A Friendly PSA

So, for those of you new transplants from California, consider this your friendly Montana PSA: quit feeding wildlife. Sorry, you’re not Snow White, and the animals here aren’t your woodland friends. They’re wild and unpredictable, sometimes just plain mean. If a squirrel can take people to the emergency room, imagine what a pet deer might do to your Subaru.